Fear of change!

I am a creature of habit, I have known this for quite some time.
I'm also a little OCD...I have to have my living area neat and tidy before I go to sleep, the bed made before I leave for work, the dishes cleaned as soon as they are used, and my closet in order of dresses, blouse's, cardigans, etc. 
When I go to a restaurant that I have been to before I usually order the same thing I always do. Just the other day I tried out a new restaurant, and when I went two days later I had to force myself to

order something different then I had the previous time.
I have lived in the same place for four years, had the same job for three, and lived in the same apartment for two. All of a sudden in the past month everything is changing, and all of a sudden I am freaken out, like bad, like quarter life crisis status...which is actually a legit thing! 
Why am I freaking out? What am I scared of?

I started a new job a few weeks ago. Bartender become bakery counter girl! It was quite a switch. For the past month I have found myself saying to people " yeah I'm not very good at my job." Yet why do I think that? Because its new, different, a change. Instead of simply being understanding of myself and how learning the ropes of a new job and position can take time, I simply sold myself short. Yet in the past few days I have started getting use to my new place of employment. I have found myself having the answers to costumers questions, not simply turning to look at one of my fellow coworkers with a dumb helpless look on my face. 

A few months ago my boyfriend and I decided we we gonna travel to Florida for the winter, so that I could attend a really good massage school and that we could escape the winter weather. Yet now that the time of departure creeps slowly closer I am filling my mind with doubts. What if we can't find a place to live? What if I hate the school? OMG there's gonna be Alligators, and Cobras, and the weather is gonna be terrible come June! Okay, so yes, all these questions are legit, yet what is the point of not trying? Of not taking the leap? Maybe this move, this change will open the doors of new possibilities, new friends, new adventures, and to be held back by fear is simply silly!

What I have to remember, what we all have to remember, is that no matter what situations we are met with in life we learn from them. I may not have all the answers at work, I may be moving somewhere that I hate, but from all these experiences I will learn something, and that is what living is about!

An Island in the Sun!

Sometimes I feel I write negative things. Perhaps I gravitate towards the negative because, lets be honest, they usually make for some funny encounters and reactions from people.

I could write about the lady the other day who seemed to think it was my job to get her a table in the dinning room in the next 2 minutes even though we already had an extensive wait list and I was bartending  to a full bar. I simply told her that she needed to go speak to the hostess...she did not appreciate that. Obviously it was MY job to make her drink, add her to the wait list, seat her, and serve her hand and foot...ummm no thanks please head your ass back to the middle ages when actual servants DID exist! 

Or...I could talk about the annoying boy who asked me about a serving job at the restaurant I work at. He pretty much was like " I wanna be a server because I'll make the most money, right?" The irony of this little situation is that he DOES not understand how servers make money. You know how I know this? Because every time he comes in and I'm his waitress/bartender he leaves me basically nothing tips wise...yeah dude, you make money as a server when your guests tip you. LEARN ABOUT THE SERVING INDUSTRY BEFORE YOU TRY TO APPLY FOR A SERVING JOB...just say'en.

BUT...I have decided that today is a day to write about happy nice things.

I woke up this morning to breakfast in bed!

The sun was shinning through the window and I was excited about a morning hike with a friend.

By 9am I was on top of Beehive, looking down at Sand beach and drenched in rays of sunlight.
My breath was taken away by the beautiful view. My heart filled with so much wonder for the amazing place I live that is home to some of the most wondrous and exquisite places.

By 11am I was on the mail boat. My backpack was filled with all the necessities for a day trip to Great Cranberry: Bottle of wine, kale salad, popcorn, and an abundance of chocolate. Plus next to me was my adventure buddy Flynn, and on the Island waited my friend Genny.

Riding the golf cart from the Island store we took a little tour and saw all the animals that my friend takes care of...ducks, rabbits, chickens, roosters and sheep. We toured the house of the owner of the estate and drank wine and ate lunch for two hours.

Sometimes the most wonderful hours are filled with talking and drinking in the comfort of friends company...actually revoke that...THE BEST TIMES ARE SPENT THIS WAY!!!

We finished the afternoon with me driving the golf cart around the island (which I'm actually quite good at. I know, surprising to all of you who think I suck at driving and will never get my license!) We romped around the island looking at the ocean, tried to miss the potholes, and ended the afternoon

sitting on the porch of the island store enjoying a cold one while we waited for the ferry home.

Today was a good day.
<3

 

Talking Behind Your Friends Back...At the Hair Salon

Opening Scene: ACT 1
Some days you wake up and things are peachy perfect, other days they really are just not! Today was one of those days for me. It started with me awaking to a gray day and down pouring of rain outside my window. It proceeded in this fashion all day, concluding with the man who would not let me cross at the crosswalk while I stood there getting soaked to the bone while he slowly drove along in the dry comfort of his automobile...fucker.

Did I Just Hear "Moral Support?"
 Despite this lovely day, I was highly entertained by a pair of girls at the salon. I was there getting highlights, and while the color set, my hairdresser cut another girls hair who was accompanied by her two friends. They explained they were there for "moral support." The girl who was ACTUALLY getting her hair cut explained that she had her hair long for a while, and that she had spent sooooo long growing it out....blablabla....all that good stuff. She showed a picture of the cut she was aiming for and soon enough she was swept off to the next room over to get her hair shampooed. Nowwwww the good part starts.

"Moral Support" is right...remind me never to sign up for that!
Here I was minding my own business and reading some trashy magazine, but I was all ears for the conversation happening next to me. One of the friends started talking about what a horrible decision her friend was making, and how she would hate her short hair in a month. The other friend seemed a little bit startled and simply said she thought it was going to look good and that they should just be supportive. Miss negative simply said " No." Explaining that she KNEW her best friend...\

Personal Reaction: ACT 2
All I have to say is "Shut your annoying cow mouth and be that moral support you were talking about earlier." Seriously dude, its not like your friend is deciding to inject botox into only one side of her face, or deciding shes gonna not only shave her head but her eyebrows to...she was literally only taking 4 inches off her hair. THAT STUFF GROWS BACK FYI!

How Bout your Bad Choices?
You know what else? She probable has let you make plenty of decisions she thought were bad ideas that she stayed perfectly quite for. How about that guy you went home with last weekend? Or that dress you wore for prom? Or about the present state of your hair? Yeah...maybe you should keep your opinions of something as simple as her hair to yourself...

P.S. If she wanted to cut her hair like this...I too would say it would be a bad choice...just say'en

I LIKE TO THINK I'M AN ADULT...

But then I need my mom! Mama this is a shout out to you!

Me and my mom have the mother daughter love/hate relationship. Typical. We love each other so much, but she is one of the only people I also show my true colors with. I rarely get angry, and although people always talk about me being a very loud individual, hardly anyway has ever heard me raise my voice at them...except for my mother. Yet in my defense she is also mighty good at raising her voice at me.

Other things we excel in together:

*We are both super good at ranting, and, low and behold were also good at taking turns listening to whoever is doing the ranting.

*We both like the same kind of clothes. I'm not quite sure who that is embarrassing for...maybe I dress like an older women? Maybe my mom dresses like she's in her twenties? Maybe we just meet perfectly in the middle?

Oh and side note? I always steal her clothes. And when I buy new things she always mentions that if I don't want it anymore I can just "pass it along" to her!

*We both takes things super personal...and dwell. We are dwellers. Its bad!

*Worrying. She for sure passed that on to me. 

*Eating chocolate like its no big deal! BIG PROBLEM. Actually right before I started writing this I opened a bar of chocolate and, yup, you got it, it is already destroyed and in my belly. I really really blame you for this mama. Sometimes she would come home from work and if she had a stressful day she would just open up a bar of chocolate and me and her would GO TO TOWN on it.

Along with this. We love food. All kinds of food.

*At the same time were always on health kicks, and watch what we eat in terms of being gluten free...ladida.

*We obsess about our looks. My mom always worries about her hair. One time this summer I planned to take her out AND treat her for a nice dinner. We were meeting two of my guy friends. She asked if I would put her hair up in this twisted bobby pinny thing I do. Right before we went out I did her hair, but she didn't like the way it looked. She then had a little fit and told me she didn't want to go to dinner since her hair didn't look the way she wanted it. In that moment we switched roles. I put my foot down and told her that I was treating her and that we were meeting people and that she HAD to go to dinner...plus her hair looked lovely, and so did she. 

In the past year our relationships has shifted and evolved. We are no longer just mother and daughter, but friends as well. We still have boundaries, don't get me wrong. There are for sure things that I tell my girlfriends about my love life and other aspects of myself and my adventures that I don't share with my mom, and I expect the same from her. Yet things have changed. I guess you finally get to a point in growing up when you realize...you know what? My parents don't have it all figured out like I thought they did. This right here is one of the scariest and at the same time most liberating thoughts!

One time my mom told me if she ever died she would want to reincarnate as my baby. Super weird I know. But at the same time, wow, not only does she love me enough to spend another life with me, but she freaken trusts me.

When I left for college I thought I was mature and responsible. I was wrong. Now I think I am mature and responsible, and I am slightly more accurate. Sometimes though I take my mothers concern, love, and sweet phone messages for granted. "Ah just my mom" I think as I hit the ignore button on my phone. Or "Ahhh, again?" when I see a new voicemail from here after a double at the restaurant when all I want is a text from a friend about going out plans for the night. But the truth of the matter is no matter how mature and responsible I am, or will become, I will always need her love and support.

In the past week alone my mother has received a call from me that pretty much ends up with me crying. Yeah ahhhh...what a drama queen I am. But for anyone who knows me I really don't cry that much...unless I'm watching "Parenthood" because I'm super jealous of their dis-functional and wonderful family. Despite the tears and whatever I'm upset about my mom is there to listen and console me and I am so appreciative.

I guess these two phone conversations made me realize that no matter how old or respo

nsible I am I will always need my mom.

<3

Happily ever after?

Marriage: yes or no?
I think I always scare my mom when I tell her I don't plan on getting married. On second thought I think she may just be afraid that I won't have any babies to make her a Grandma. Understandable...I am her one and only child, her one chance to have grandkiddies.

Both my mom and dad, and my grandparents on my dads side are still married. Two awesome examples of marriages that have gone through ups and downs yet have stayed together through the years. Why then do I not believe in marriage?

Honestly I don't know if I fully know why myself. But a few reasons: High divorce rate, way to much unfaithfulness and cheating, to many unhappy marriages that stay together because they don't want to be apart of that high divorce number. I also never want someone to feel like they HAVE to be with me...or how about evolving and changing as a person? Yeah yeah, its a nice thought to think that you can evolve as a couple, but...what if you can't? Life is short, there so many people out there in the world, and just because your happy with someone at some point does not mean that someone else would make you happier at another time. 

Happy Marriage:)
Today doing a little scan of the Twitter world I came upon an article in the Huffpost about a 72 year old couple who had their dream wedding in the nursing home where they live together. Ladidadida pretty much the sweet couple got married in 1942 with none of the flowers, reception, family, just the two of them eloping in Reno before he went off to war.

This Valentines day they won King and Queen of the retirement home and everyone wanted to see their wedding picture. Ooooops...except one thing. They didn't have one.

When the homes director heard their story she worked with her connections in the community and soon flowers, a photographer, tux and dress were donated. To the delight of the couple a wedding manifested itself!

This couple who had been married for years and years didn't regret their small simple marriage. Perhaps they did it the right way. Marriage shouldn't be about the wedding, the guests, the food, drink and location, it should be about the love and trust a couple wants to celebrate.

Bottom line. These two are adorable and there little wedding at their retirement home is super sweet. Wonder if their family was there? Prob not. Serves them right after sticking their parents in one of those depressing death homes...oooops did I just say that? Wow that's probably why I'll never get married, no ones gonna wanna marry a negative bitch like me. Just kidddding. I'm a delight!

Unhappy Marriage:(

During my Journalism class we discussed a scandal going on in my town. Pretty much there are quite a few affairs going on...not surprising since we live on a tiny Island in Maine. The only thing to do in the winter is drink, smoke, and well ummm act like Jack Rabbits? Is that appropriately put?

Anyway I guess this one ladies husband found out she cheated on him. They are still married. He has a new motorcycle and she has a new car.

I wonder how that arrangement went down. Did she like play the weepy game and play victim by saying that she feels like he never pays attention to her? To which he then apologized over and over and bought her a car and then she felt guilty so she bought him a motorcycle? Or was it more like she told him she wanted a divorce unless he bought her a new car, and then he was like fine I get that motorcycle I have been wanting for years. Or maybe they were getting bored in their intimate life and so she cheated, but now with the new car and motorcycle they have new places to do the deed? Whoooo knowssss. And you know what? I honestly should not judge, I don't know anything about their marriage.

Future?
Who knows where I will be five years from now? Maybe I will have babies, be married, or be a roaming single gal. If anyone knows me they know I am fickle...comes with the territory of being a Gemini. I honestly change my mind every few hours/days/weeks about anything in my life...so who knows...I may end up married with the white picket fence and a mom van. Time will tell!

Never thought about it...

So...
When I was younger I had this joke I would tell people about presidents. I was not such a good judge of character at the time let me tell you, and I would usually end up telling someone who had very different political views then the ones I was siding with by saying my joke...which usually ended in me offending them.


The joke pretty much goes that there is a mirror that past presidents look into and if they say something true then they will reap benefits of riches and glory, if they lie though they disappear. Puff. Into the unknown. So la di da I go through a few presidents and they speak truth and la di da they get even more rich then they already are. THEN George Bush stands in front of the mirror and he says "I think..." and poof he's gone. Now obviously I thought I was the BESTTTT joke teller in the world, yet because of my very democratic stance I was taking as a young child, others did not love my joke as much.


This morning this joke came back to me. The reason is because when I popped out of bed this morning to check my "oh so important" Facebook I came across this new video put out by Aljazeera about an Ohio senator and how he wants to ban abortion except to save women's lives.
   
                                                   WATCH THE VIDEO!!!!

Pretty much the reporter asks Rep. Buchy why he thinks a woman would want an abortion?

His response " I have never thought about it"...ummm what? Repeat that please??? Well you should probably start thinking about that then. Yes please ask your secretary to add that to your to do list!

Wine Epiphanies...the best kind of epiphanies!

Yesterday after a long day of powerpoint, value chains, and benchmarking I decided it was in my best interest to sit and enjoy a glass of wine with a friend. I told myself I deserved it after the long hours of work. What I didn't deserve is the two other glasses of wine I guzzled down...and on an empty stomach...oops! But...good news. I woke up this morning feeling exuberant, full of energy, and better then I have in days. The winter blues have been getting me down, on top of other stuff, but sometimes all you need is a few too many glasses of wine to find clarity!

I find that every time I go through a rough patch, whatever that may be, I just need a little "mistake" drunk night to get me back on my feet.

Thoughts of clarity I came up with during this specific "mistake" night:

1) Just because I didn't make it to the workout class this morning (or all of last week...) doesn't mean I'm a failure at life. I can always go next time, and the time after that, and so on and so fourth until I get that six pack I have been craving since conception!

2) I don't need to defend the choices I make to ANYONE. Unless I want to.

3) I will make mistakes, and keep on making them for the rest of my life.

4) Its really refreshing to be honest with ones self. Like " He's just not that into you" style. Uh yeah I knew that...I just needed to tell myself again, thank you conscience.

5) I can and should feel however I want. If I'm mad, sad, happy, grumpy...whatever. LET YOURSELF FEEL THOSE THINGS! You don't always need to be one of those happy, smiling, annoying people.

ummm...yeah. The end.